People thought that
being single means having freedom to do all the “happy” stuff unlike those who
have their own family or already married. The thing is not all singles are
enjoying the perks of living freely without the responsibilities towards their
family.
Yes, I am single
and already accepted my ‘single blessedness’ status a long time ago. Things
happened in the past and for whatever reasons I have to accept the challenges
ahead of me as a single person. I am really not sure what the future holds for me
(I try to be positive) but the most important thing is that at this point I
should plan well for my financial security since I am living ‘solo’.
My Struggles at
Being Single: Gaining Financial Security When You’re in Your 40s and Single
My
Personal Story
Whether I like or
not there is a stigma associated with being single in your 40s. The snares and
stares are so real- it penetrate me deep within like an x-ray vision that can
read my soul. People are tempted to judge you- why is she still single? Maganda
naman siya..sayang.
It can be hurtful
sometimes that you have to put off a brave face each time there is a family
gathering or reunion of some sort. Relatives can’t help but ask- Why are you
still single? What’s keeping you in getting married? These are the usual
questions I get when meeting up with relatives or old friends. But my mom has a
ready reply for these negative innuendos and this is her usual statement- “She
has to be single so that she could take care of me and her pamangkins”. I just
shrugged it off each time; I am not sure if her comment is good or bad or if
she really means it in her heart that I will be her forever caregiver. There is
a mixture of emotions brewing inside of me..like I am doomed to forever of my
singlehood.
Yes, I’ve been the
designated family caregiver; in fact I took care of my grandma for more than 20
years. Twenty years of my life I stuck it out with her until her Parkinson’s
disease slowly deteriorated her mind and body. It was very hard juggling school
life, business and my “imposed” family obligation but I loved her that much and
she was by my side all throughout my growing years since my mom was busy with
her career as a bank executive. Among her seven “apos” no one devoted even a
little time in taking care of her. But I have no regrets in doing this. This is
the best testament of my unconditional love for her even if I (as perceived by
some) sacrificed my own welfare and happiness.
I did it out of love for her and
for God even if I was not appreciated or compensated for doing this- I’ve been
okay and still feel blessed. It is my belief in kindness and goodness that keep
me whole as person up to this day- as I often tell myself ‘this too shall
pass’. Sadly, my grandma reached the end of her rope and succumbed to the complications
of her Parkinson’s disease at the age of 84 last 2008.
I Have to Have an Income!
Stupid things I did for money.
Luckily for me, my
attitude towards money is helping me survive my day to day existence. I am not
materialistic and my frugality allows me to save some. While my role in the
family is an all-around caregiver and now provider, through the years I managed
to have some income via direct-selling. I also tried my luck in operating a
marketing and promotions firm but this was just too much since I need at least
half a million to run this type of business.
For a year the
marketing and promotions business has been running through various loans that I
acquired but in the end I was bankrupted and on a verge of losing my sanity
dealing with my loans, payables and disgruntled employees that numbered to a
hundred. I’ve got big time multi-national clients and dealing with them can be
a pain in the ass (pardon my words). It’s hard to wait for payments that have
to go through months of processing and the US recession came in which further
delayed my incoming payments to almost 2 years. Yes, TWO YEARS of depression,
of mental torture, of asking myself if I am still alive or dead! It was so dark
and almost about to lose my mind. The people who talked me out in putting up
this business left my side right away when they already knew that my boat is
about to sink. I was all ALONE dealing with this situation.
This was one of the
biggest STUPID decisions I did in my entire life. I should have not jumped into
something that I have no clear understanding. But going through this experience
has thought me a lot.
Things I learned to
end my financial misery while still single and broke:
1. Find simple ways to have a
source of income. This I’ve learned at a very young
age of 10. During my elementary days I am not embarrassed to sell small items
to my classmates. I even offer my own juice ‘baon’ which was in a large Coleman
jug to my classmates at only fifty cents per cup. During my high school days I
continue selling stuff. I know I may sound selfish since if someone asks for a
piece of paper I will ask for one peso per 3 sheets. In college, my entrepreneurial
spirit took me to direct selling opportunities. I am not ashamed to sell among
friends and neighbors since I know everything has a value and by doing this I
am able to have yearly savings that I get to spend and budget for the whole
year. My friends would wonder how I am able to enjoy financial freedom
especially during the holidays. What they did not know is how frugal I am when
it comes to money and finding ways to have some income allowed me to save for
the good times.
2.
Never
act on impulse and jump into something you have no complete understanding.
When it comes to money it is best to take some time and assess the situation
first. Like in my case, my lifetime savings went into waste when I suddenly
decided to venture into a business that I have no clear idea how that business
will progress. I was so naïve and was easily talked into something without
carefully studying the consequences. Yes, the possible monetary gain sounds
good since we are talking hundreds of thousands here per project. I was blinded
and was taken advantage of people I thought I can rely on. In the end, I am all
alone facing the consequences of my being impulsive. After the depression and
me being broke I needed time to grief and heal. During this time of recovery I
got terribly physically ill afflicted by H-Fever and followed by a bad case of
Typhoid which left me in and out of hospital for months. It was physically
painful, mentally draining and emotionally exhausting. However, how dark that
period was for me- I survived.
3.
Dream
big and start small. Considering the frustrations I had
to go through I realized that somehow I have to stand up and build my life
again including restructuring my finances. I started from scratch, holding a
big dream in my heart but I know it is best to start small like taking baby
steps to avoid the pitfalls I had in the past. I managed to save money through
my direct-selling and invest this money (20K) in a tiny sari-sari store. In a
few months I am able to tell what the neighborhood needs so I only stock on items
that are saleable. I don’t care if people tell me na “kakalog-kalog ang
tindahan mo” that I should have more things to sell. This store is my source
for our daily food expense, it may not be that much for some but it brings food
to our table. In my over 16 years of running a small store I already have the
formula to stay in this business- sell only stuff that are in demand, no to
5-6, no one gets an item for free (even me), ‘bawal utang’, don’t overstock to avoid
poor quality and expired items, set your selling price accordingly by
considering your overhead expenses and lastly replenish supplies daily. The
last one needs dedication like going to the market everyday but I value my ‘suki’
and only offer things that are fresh and of good quality. Another thing, I don’t
sell stuff that I don’t personally patronize since there are children buying
and I could not sacrifice their health for a few centavo earnings. Glad to say,
the store is still running even if there are competitions within a few meters
away from it. A sari-sari store is a very small business but I value the things
I am learning while running it.One of the best lessons I learned is how to deal
with all types of people and this is priceless since it changed my perspective
through daily social interactions and it has improved my character by tearing
down a wall that separates me from the real world. In other words, the store
made me more tolerable, understanding and accepting of people. And this
experience is priceless.
4.
I
reinvented myself and realized that I’ve got skills and talent that can help me
financially. While tending to my tiny 3 x 10
sqm. store, I realized that the financial needs of my family are adding up. In
just a few years my mom will be retiring and our family is growing with the
addition of nieces and nephew. The thought that pretty soon the burden on my shoulders
will be heavier, I somehow forecasted the fact that my mom will be expecting
financial support like she will be imposing responsibilities on me and I was
never wrong. So I tried recognizing my worth- what skills do I have that can
help me acquire financial stability. Gone are the days that I will rely on my
occasional income from direct-selling which is not enough to sustain a family
of seven plus a dozen more rescued pets. I realized that I am good in research
and writing and can work as a freelancer online. I prefer working at home (at
store) since I am still able to personally manage my sari-sari store. My being
meticulous and tedious is the key that I am able to land my first few projects
online. Again, I started very small with merely $1.50 dollar pay per hour. I was
very patient and had worked for over 6 months at this rate. Regardless that I
am losing sleep and have no time to relax I must storm the weather. Aside from
research and writing, I challenge myself to learn more about the online
industry and to think I don’t have any training and no one taught me how to
navigate myself through the web. Through self-learning my skills are upgraded which
opened more opportunities for income. Little by little my projects are more
valuable and up to now my online job is my bread and butter. I’ve been a
freelancer now for 6 years.
I know there are a lot
of things that I have to consider to achieve financial security even now in my
40s and not to mention still single. With the responsibility of being the main
provider of the family, at this point I don’t really worry that much since I am
able to pay all our household bills, keep my family nourished and save some for
the rainy days.
How do I do all these?
Every time I receive a payment for a certain project I set aside percentage of
it that will go to savings, petty cash and regular budget for daily expenses
and bills. I maintain 2 bank accounts one for force savings and one for
accidental needs or purchasing necessary things. My formula is 15% for force
savings, 10% for the accidental need funds, 25% petty cash and the 50% goes to
monthly budget that takes care of all bills, groceries, food and kids’ needs.
I could not say
that I am financially well-off since I am the type who enjoys simple things in
life nothing too extravagant but no way mediocre. The key is balancing my
finances and prioritizing.
I know I could do
better and should have higher goals in life at this age but I am still in a process
in doing all these. So now I am considering having investments like in stocks
or mutual funds. I already got a Sun Life Prosperity Card that signals that
this is the best time to invest for my own future. Aside from this I will get
myself a health insurance since I am not getting any younger. Although I have
my Philhealth card it is wiser to have a solid back-up in cases that I get ill
or something- just being practical. Lastly,
I am thinking of getting a memorial plan too- to ease the burden of my loved
ones if that big day would come.
Living as a single
lady in my 40s may seem easy for many but in reality the burden of being financially
secured is there since I don’t have a better half and I don’t have children on
my own that will take care of me. Sounds sad, but this is my reality and I have
to be prepare d especially now that I am in what you call ‘mid-life’ crisis
period where everything’s should be taken into proper perspective. I know I can do this!!!
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